I was reaching for something on the shelf and suddenly there he was on the floor in a pool of fragments. I don’t know how it happened. It was as if ‘I’m Jam’, the made-in -japan jam jar I’ve had for over 25 years, spontaneously leapt to his death crashing in pieces that I have no will to glue back together.
I believe in synchronicity and that everything happens for a reason. And it’s a new year and a new decade, just a few days into January when everyone is in the heat and zeal of resolution and positive change. I have to admit, I have this fever to some extent. How will I approach this next 10 years and maximize my time on this earth and fulfill my destiny, and the desires of my heart? What changes are required to create my perfect life?
And why on January 3, 2020 did ‘I’m Jam’ decide to deconstruct after all these years of carting him around from place to place? I never even used him as a jam jar. I just loved him as he was. I enjoyed his coy smile whenever I saw his face -and I always smiled back. I think if I had named him anything else, I’d have called him Pierre. He just had that kind of look.
I am not a hoarder. I cull through things and make that decision of what to keep and what to let go of every 6 months or more. Somehow, ‘I’m Jam’ always kept his position among the most loved things. He was a Kept Thing: with no real purpose except the delight his occasional sighting engendered in me.
And when he broke himself, I didn't really even feel sad. I thought ‘this means something but I’m not sure what’. I did send a photo of his demise to the one friend who knew how long he’d been around and who could appreciate the significance of the loss -or at least the amount of time invested in shelf space.
I, however, even after seeing his remains in a pile on the kitchen counter for several days, have no idea of what that meaning is yet. I can say I will miss him. I will miss that shy, flirty smile and that made- in -japan- look - from- a -certain- time - period ...Maybe it was just his time to go..or maybe he wanted to free me from the tyranny of loving objects….I don’t know. But, somehow, parting with ‘I’m Jam’ at the beginning of this new decade brings home the end of an era and a whole chapter of my life.
Goodbye last decade. Goodbye ‘I’m Jam’.